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The Lighter Side

Presiding Cat

Well-Known Member
#10
Money won't buy you a wag of a Dogs tail... But it will buy you a great Dog...
 

Presiding Cat

Well-Known Member
#11
When you are lost in thought... You may also be on totally unfamiliar terrain...
 

Presiding Cat

Well-Known Member
#12
The following questions were set in a GED examination . These are genuine answers (from 16 year olds – ‘selected’)

Q. Name the four seasons
A.. Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar.

Q. How is dew formed.
A. The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them perspire.

Q. What guarantees may a mortgage company insist on
A.. If you are buying a house they will insist that you are well endowed.

Q. In a democratic society, how important are elections
A.. Very important. Sex can only happen when a male gets an election.

Q. What are steroids
A. Things for keeping carpets still on the stairs ..

Q... What happens to your body as you age
A.. When you get old, so do your bowels and you get intercontinental.

Q. What happens to a boy when he reaches puberty
A.. He says goodbye to his boyhood and looks forward to his adultery.

Q. Name a major disease associated with cigarettes.
A.. Premature death.

Q. How can you delay milk turning sour
A.. Keep it in the cow.

Q. How are the main 20 parts of the body categorised (e.g. The abdomen)
A.. The body is consisted into 3 parts - the brainium, the borax and the abdominal cavity. The brainium contains the brain, the borax contains the heart and lungs and the abdominal cavity contains the five bowels: A,E,I,O,U.

Q. What is the fibula?
A.. A small lie.

Q. What does 'varicose' mean?
A.. Nearby.

Q. What is the most common form of birth control
A.. Most people prevent contraception by wearing a condominium.

Q. Give the meaning of the term 'Caesarean section'
A.. The caesarean section is a district in Rome .

Q. What is a seizure?
A.. A Roman Emperor.

Q. What is a terminal illness
A. When you are sick at the airport.

Q. What does the word 'benign' mean?
A.. Benign is what you will be after you be eight.
 

Presiding Cat

Well-Known Member
#13
My daughter asked me for a pet spider for her birthday, so I went to
our local pet shop and they were $70. Forget it, I thought, I can get
one cheaper off the web.



I was at an ATM yesterday. A little old lady asked if I could check
her balance, so I pushed her over.



My neighbour knocked on my door at 2:30 a m. Can you believe that?
2:30 a m? Luckily for him I was still up playing my bagpipes.



My wife was counting all the nickels and dimes out on the kitchen table
when she suddenly got very angry and started shouting and crying for no
reason. I thought to myself, "She's going through the change."



My girlfriend thinks that I'm a stalker. Well, she's not exactly my
girlfriend yet.



An Asian fellow has moved in next door. He has travelled the world,
swum with sharks, wrestled bears and climbed the highest mountain.
It came as no surprise to learn his name was Bindair Dundat.



A teddy bear is working on a building site. He goes for a tea break
and when he returns he notices his pick has been stolen. The bear is
angry and reports the theft to the foreman.
The foreman says "Oh, I forgot to tell you, today's the day the teddy
bears have their pick nicked."